I have been aware of the importance of the feelings and worries of others most of my life. I was taught that most of the time others troubles are greater then yours. A flimsy Christian ethic to silence a moderately hyperactive child. It’s not been anyone’s fault; that’s just the way it’s been. You get used to it so it becomes your nature. Silence is good. No words of your own seem to make any difference anyway. Some people are better listening than speaking. You listen to the woes and you learn not to speak back because that’s how it works. Passiveness is easier in the long run. The eyes reveal so much, the movement of a hand, the shape made by lips. It’s another language. Even now to this day I worry about speaking out something personal. Having a voice can be so frightening, it is a weapon that can cure or kill. Yes, it can be that black or white. Humour is a good shield, a vessel for conveying a brave face when deep inside things are far from funny. Sometimes there is no other way.
Narcissists don’t do empathy. They do not relate to the burden they place on others with their tales of ever decreasing circles. I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s not something that can be controlled is it? We are all entitled to opinions. Even if that makes you want to strangle them out of frustration. We can remind ourselves that it’s not meant but still it doesn’t always sit well. Even if you have the closest relationship with the person and believe to understand them completely there can still be a barrier. Even where the bond of unconditional love should override.
We are only one person in this life but we all have our different personalities, our strengths and weaknesses, the shy, the vain, the goody too shoes, the rebel, the straight A perfectionist, the caring, the honest, the humble, the impressionable, the rude, the opinionated, the selfish, the never wrong – we can be many of these things.
We can choose to walk away or we can choose to stay.
Some people will only listen to you if you are deemed ‘worthy’ and high up in the social ranking. Others are reluctant to share anything at all. And that is all OK. As long as you can accept the truth of what you are, it will give some insight.
But this is not always possible. Detaching from the ego is not always realistic.
Some shy away from you because they cannot handle not getting the response they want. Tough love doesn’t always work, especially on those who do not want to change. Being the victim is easy, being a survivor takes work. We have choices – no matter what and I truly believe that. Just because I have been an observer does not mean I have not lived or not felt. All those times silent no one heard the screaming. Feeling doesn’t always shout the house down.
Life wasn’t meant to be easy. No one owes you a living. But we all owe it to ourselves to have the best life we can.